Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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