That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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