if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
