Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
