I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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