Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
