he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
