i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
