im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
