i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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