can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
