Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
