I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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