i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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