Moan for me like Helen Keller
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
