You made me cry and you don't even care
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
