Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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