xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
