She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
