i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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