she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
