You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
