i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
