This girl is more easily done than said...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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