i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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