:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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