it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
