I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
