hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
