Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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