i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
