Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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