If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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