I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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