Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
