Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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