pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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