have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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