it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
