sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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