This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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