he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
