This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
