That's when you crack a 10am beer
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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