More tranny stories later!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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