hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
