They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
