he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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