It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
