He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
