he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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