just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
