Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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